Stop laughing - that isn't a sordid euphemism.
In our house, I own the kitchen. I also have responsibility for the lounge, the bathrooms, the bedroom and the study. That's basically the entire flat.
Last night, I found my boyfriend loading the dishwasher.
Until now, I didn't realise he was aware that we actually have a dishwasher. Well, obviously the dishes are cleaned somehow - but I thought he assumed that was me.
But no, last night I discover him stacking plates in the dishwasher. I was stunned, pleased and a little amused.
I am completely ambivalent about this situation.
1. Oh, he's finally recognised its existence... thank goodness... Less work for me. Result. And I didn't EVEN have to hint this time (my hints usually go along the lines of "please can you put those plates in the dishwasher? Plates? Dishwasher? - Please?" whilst resisting the urge to click my fingers and point). Housework does build up quickly* in our flat, even though there are only two of us: I have taken over most of the free space with files, document boxes, my laminator/photocopier/guillotine etc. Teacher-y things have spread from the study into the lounge, and have well and truly taken over now. A couple of months ago we discussed getting a maid - then decided that it was a silly idea because the flat was too messy to ever invite anyone into, much less expect them to attempt to tidy it. So if the boyfriend is now going to share the housework with me, that is absolutely awesome.
*I feel I should point out here that our flat is CLEAN - there are no piles of last week's takeaways, dirty laundry, etc. It's just not that tidy.
2. The kitchen is my domain... The dishwasher my favourite ally.
And there is a system, actually... Everything has a place otherwise it doesn't all fit in. No, small bowls go on the bottom shelf and why have you spaced it out like that so there are only two saucepans on that row instead of four?! Now we'll have to put it on twice! Oh, you've already turned it on? Honey, it runs for over two hours and is SO LOUD. Do you never wonder why I only put it on overnight??
You see guys, whether you meticulously attempt to help with housework or wait until the rats have moved in and the entire inside of your fridge is covered in grey fluff, you will be in trouble. Your best bet is honestly just to keep your head down and avoid all confrontation with the kitchen. Feminists will die a little inside at that comment, but I don't care. There is a reason those sexy maid outfits only come in female versions.
Alright, so we are overworked and stressed and we may well get up an hour before you, get in an hour later and rarely go to bed on the same day we woke up because of the amounts of work we bring home. And sometimes we prioritize essays and our year 10s over hoovering the lounge (solution: get a Roomba). We put away washing and tidy at 2am because that's the only point we have time.
And of course it would be lovely if a magical housework fairy (that's you) did all the work whilst we typed and wept and consumed gallons of wine/tea. But don't feel the need to get too carried away with being 'helpful' or we may just wonder what you hit your head on. Even if you don't understand the intricate way of positioning the plates on the racks and don't put all the forks together in one compartment, we still love you to bits.
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