'The Cure' were right about boys...

Dear Duke,

It is a girl’s prerogative to be ruled by her emotions and not by any law of common sense. We've all seen examples of how catapulting from one extreme emotion to another is just a daily occurrence in a girl's life. This can be anything, even things that men find trivial - including, for instance, (but not limited to) ecstatic squealing that a certain handbag has been released in purple, and subsequent hysterical sobbing because said handbag has sold out.

Girls are naturally open. Ask a man about a film he’s seen – “it was good, yeah. Special effects are great” or, if it wasn’t too successful, “rubbish plot, not much happened.” Ask a girl – “it was great – made me cry/laugh!” or “I felt really bored for most of it.” Sharing emotion happens without any intentional thought. And, I have to admit, that’s something I love about my female friends. Being with people who are so emotionally honest allows for really close friendships.
(You may take that any way you wish).


However... With true female ‘logic’, I’m now going to go back on what I’ve just said.

The more serious the situation, the less emotion is immediately visible. This is the point at which to raise your guard even further – and make sure the kettle is on. Biscuits can only help matters further – even if the girl is upset because she mistakenly believes she is the size of a baby elephant.



(This is a FACT. It says so on one of my Facebook groups...)

Once the tea is made (Amaretto if it’s serious) and biscuits and tissues are within reach, you have two main choices of where to wait out the storm.

1. If you can't bear tears but suspect that they are on their way (and believe me, the longer she pretends “everything’s fine”, the more tears are imminent), make a hasty exit to the pub. Whilst you’re gone, your girlfriend will cry, phone her [female] friends, cry more, eat the biscuits, cry a bit more, rack up a huge phone bill, and eventually feel better for it. In the meantime, you have a laugh with your friends. When you come home, you face a sullen, pale raccoon who sulks because you ‘abandoned her’; but at least she isn’t sobbing incoherently into your chest and wiping mascara and snot all over your t-shirt.

2. Assemble tea, biscuits, tissues – and get ready to offer them in turn. Flashcards would be an extremely useful addition here – definitely a niche in the market for those.

A word of advice? Option 1 is really appealing. And sometimes you’ll be able to pull it off. But if in doubt, go for 2. She doesn’t need to know that whilst you’re ‘mmhmm’-ing and pulling her closer than you’re mentally replaying the game from the weekend. And if you get your t-shirt messy, you have little option but to take it off. At which point you can trade in all those brownie points you’ve just earned for staying with her and listening to her...


A.x


I had planned to conclude with some intelligent musings on why it wasn't (as) acceptable for men to cry.

Then I found these images and the second one made me laugh, which I think answered my question. A crying girl can, allegedly, mix vulnerability with some kind of pathetic yet admirable beauty. (Note to girls: amount of dignity retained is in negative correlation to amount of alcohol consumed before crying episode).





And what about crying men? Well...

I challenge you not to even smirk...